Girl for a Month
by unicolfer
Summary: Hermione and Ron make a bet, that the other couldn't survive as the other sex for a whole month. T for language and adult themes.
1. The Bet

[AN: Okay, this is the first chapter of my first long fanfic, so wish me luck! Anyway, this story occurs in some parallel universe where Voldemort is dead, but everybody else is alive. Ron and Hermione are not dating when the story starts (I won't tell you what happens at the end, lol) but Harry and Ginny are. Please excuse any OOCs that may occur along the way, and enjoy! If you review I'll give you a cookie! Love, May.]

* * *

**Girl for a Month**

Ch. 1: The Bet

Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting under a big tree, facing the lake. Hermione was reading a book (no surprise there) and Harry was trying to finish his Transfiguration homework. Ron was supposed to do the same thing, only he was watching, open mouthed, a bunch of girls in bikinis feeding the giant squid pieces of toast. Hermione noticed this, and for some reason, it made her mad.

"Stop staring at this girls, it looks like it's the first time you saw toast," she said in her most irritated voice.

Ron turned around to face her. "What? Oh, Hermione. Didn't notice you there." He turned around again to continue staring at the girls.

Hermione sighed, and said, "C'mon Ron, we have to work on that partner thing for Charms."

"Can't we do that later?"

"No! Stop being so annoying!"

She pulled him all the way to the empty common room, while he tried to see the girls through the passing windows. It would have been quite humorous, except she was so mad.

"Oh, I can see them! – Now I can't – Now I can – Oh, Snape in a bikini! Biggest turnoff ever – Wait, why the hell in Snape wearing a bikini?"

And so on and so fourth. They finally reached the common room where Ron started to sit down in one of the chairs, when he noticed. "I can't remember any partner assignment in Charms – you just made that up!"

"Maybe," said Hermione, who was sitting down in one of her favorite chairs, in front of the fire, that was not burning due to the fact it was May and extremely hot. "But you shouldn't have stared at the girls like that. They are not entertainment for males, you know."

"They are when they wear a bikini!" he said, quite loudly; you couldn't see the girls through the windows here, which made him cranky.

"Anyway, being a girl is easy. Being a guy, now that's hard work."

Hermione did a weird laughing thing in a high-pitched voice. "Ha! Yeah right. How is being a guy **harder **then being a girl?"

"Think about it," said Ron, now getting into the argument with all his might. "To have these sexual tensions everywhere, and not being able to do anything about them? To try and act manly? To be the strongest, the scariest, the toughest, the – "he paused for dramatic effect – "The **longest**?"

Hermione sneered. "If what Lavender says is true, then the last one certainly _is_ something to be worried about."

Ron's ears became red from embarrassment. "You know, you really shouldn't believe her on this one. I mean, she must still be mad at me and that's why she said it. Because it certainly isn't true. Not that I, umm, measure it. Or have any reason to worry about that... yeah…"

Hermione laughed again. "She did say that, though. Quite hilarious." Ron rolled his eyes. "Anyway, being a girl is way harder. You get your period once every month, along with cramps, stomach aches, and mood swings. Plus, girls worry so much more about their look, because society has it that girls have to be thin with big boobs and beautiful on the outside. With girls, most people don't care about their personality, which makes many beautiful, stupid and mean girls popular. Imagine having to watch everything to eat and count calories. No diary products or chocolate because of the pimples, no cake, no nothing. Plus you have to shave."

Ron shuddered. "Shave _where_?"

Hermione smiled with her lips pursed. "**Everywhere**."

"You won't survive a month as a girl," said Hermione at the same time Ron said, "You won't survive a month as a guy."

"Let's make it a bet," said Ron, smiling cunningly. "We can pretend to each be someone from the opposite sex, using Polyjuice Potion. We could take the hairs from some random Muggles or something. I don't want to pretend to be you, you are too smart for me."

Hermione smiled a little when he said she was smart, but she still stayed tough. "Okay. We can start making the potion right now, and when we go to Hogsmeade next month, we could Apparate to some Muggle street and take some hairs. What does the winner gets?"

Ron thought about it, and then declared, "The loser is the winner's slave for a whole week. They have to do anything and everything for that person."

"Okay," said Hermione, "The loser is the first one to give up. But what if both of us survive the month?"

"We are both each other slaves, then," he said. "One week you, one week me."

"Okay, deal." Said Hermione, and they shook hands, each smiling at the other in kind of an evil way. "Should we tell Harry?"

"Let's not," said Ron. "Let's say we are going to… Umm… Visit my great aunt because she's… Err… dead?..."

"Maybe _going_ to die," said Hermione, thinking, "and I'm coming too because…"

"Because I need the mental support," said Ron, "Do you think Harry _or_ Dumbledore will buy it? We will have to explain our absence and stuff."

"No, they probably won't," said Hermione, "But let's just try anyway. What do we have to lose? But first we will have to make the Polyjuice Potion."

"Let's do it!" said Ron, and they walked out of the common room together.

* * *

[AN: Please tell me if I made any grammar/spelling mistakes and stuff like that, and I'll give you a cookie if you review/favorite/make one-night stand love to this story. Love, May.]


	2. Dumbledore

[AN: thank you for all the reviews/fav story/story alerts. it makes me feel speecial :) Anyway, here is chapter 2, enjoy! it's extra long (wink wink)Love, May.]

* * *

**Girl for a Month**

**Ch. 2: Dumbledore**

**A Month Later**

"Okay, this should do it," said Hermione, putting the finishing touches on the Polyjuice potion. "You have the hairs?"

"Uh-huh," said Ron, who was standing next to her, holding two different clumps of hair in each hand. They had gotten the hairs last Saturday, during the trip to Hogsmeade. They chose two average teens as their 'people', and right now they were in the third floor bathroom, the home of the infamous Moaning Myrtle, in one of the stalls. It was the very same place where they mad made Polyjuice potion during their second year ('Now that's nostalgic,' remarked Ron ). They have been working on this potion for a month now (Hermione did most of the work, which was to be expected because Ron couldn't even brew soup for his life), all the while hiding it from Harry. That would've been hard, except he spend so much time making-out with Ginny he hardly noticed them at all.

"Okay, let's do this," said Hermione. She took a cupful of Polyjuice potion, and put one of the guy's hair inside. It turned peach-colored and smelled like eggs. Ron did the same, and his potion turned a pleasant lilac and smelled like doughnuts. They put the rest of the hairs into two different jars. (They had quite a lot; Ron pretty much took half of the kids' hair while Hermione did a hair-growing spell on the stupified couple).

"So... do we drink it now?" asked Ron, looking with interest at the cup in his hand.

"No. First we have to ask Dumbledore if we can go to visit your dying aunt, or whatever." She rolled her eyes. "I wish we could have a better cover story, though... this one is kind of idiotic."

"Let's just get it over with," said Ron, "Dumbledore can be weird sometimes. Maybe it'll work."

* * *

"So you expect me to believe that you and Ronald here are going to visit his dying great aunt, together, for a month?" Dumbledore looked at them through his half-moon spectacles, his blue eyes twinkling with amusement. They were sitting on two chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk in his office, and he was sitting on very fancy one on the other side of the desk.

"Err... yes?..." said Hermione, unsure.

"Well, why isn't the lovely Ginevra Weasley accompanying you?"

Ron and Hermione looked at each other in anxiety. "Umm, because she, umm, she doesn't like that aunt?..." said Ron hesitantly.

Dumbledore sighed and stood up. He started slowly pacing on his side of the desk. "Hermione, Ronald," he said finally, still pacing, "the three of us know this _isn't _the reason why you are here. And although I trust Miss. Granger not to miss class – and to be able to prevent Mr. Weasley from doing so – as your principle, I must insist to know _why _you want to be gone for a month."

Hermione took a deep breath and said, "It's a bet, you see. We each have to survive as the other sex for a month. We made Polyjuice potion and all, and we have the hairs. But even though we won't be here as Ron and Hermione, we will still participate in all classes." she said all that as fast as she could, like she was hoping Dumbledore won't understand what she's saying.

"Well, splendid!" proclaimed Dumbledore. Ron and Hermione both stared at him.

"Errm, excuse us?..." said Ron, who looked like he was expecting Dumbledore to strip down to his underpants, declare he is a bird and start trying to fly through the open window.

"This could be quite educational, you see. You will learn about the other sex, without hurting our _already_ tight budget; plus, it'll be quite hilarious to watch. My only request," Dumbledore paused, fixing his eyes on them, "is that you write down what you've learned at the end of each week, about being a girl or a guy and how it's different then what you are used to. Well, off you go!" he finished and hurried them out of the office, all the while the two of them stared at him, waiting for him to explode or something. He quickly slammed the door at their face and left them standing outside.

Ron and Hermione stood outside the office's door for a few moments, to shocked to speak or move. Suddenly, the door opened again and Dumbledore's hear popped out, and he said, "we start tomorrow morning!" the door slammed again and Hermione and Ron stared at each other in silence for a another moment.

"Did that really just happened?" asked Hermione.

"I... I think so," said Ron. "He wasn't wearing any clothes when he told us we'll start tomorrow, was he?"

"Nope," said Hermione, and they both went down the spiral stone staircase that moves like an escalator without saying anything more.

* * *

The next morning when Harry woke up, Ron wasn't in his bed next to Harry's. Harry wasn't very surprised; he and Ginny did make an awful lot of sound last night. Still, it was very not Ron-ish to (gasp) wake up early.

He didn't see Ron nor Hermione at breakfast either, and it was even _weirder _of Ron to miss breakfast, which he often called 'the most important meal of the day' while piling on his plate as much food as it could handle without breaking down, everything from bacon sandwiches to gummy bears (they moved and talked, too, in addition to being delicious!).

Suddenly, Dumbledore stood up and everyone shushed up. He said "Thank you. Now, I have to little announcements to make.

"First of all, our two Gryffindor prefects, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, won't be with us for a month, for personal reasons which I am not going to list right now.

"My second announcement that has nothing to do with the first one, of course, is that we are welcoming two new students to the house of Gryffindor: Tina Loreen and Josh Precon."

The students all clapped as Ron and Hermione, disguised as Tina and Josh, walked into the room. Josh was tall and handsome, with brown hair and eyes. Tina was pretty short, with long, blonde hair and blue eyes.

"I don't remember we agreed on names," whispered Ron as they set down awkwardly. "I am not really a Tina. More like... like an Ashley. Or even a Hannah, really."

"Shut up, some people are coming," said Hermione, "And act like you are normal."

"Hello there," said Parvati Patil,sliding next to Hermione, as close as she could get, "my name is Parvati Patil. I am fun-loving, beautiful, likes long walks on the beach and single!" she puffed her eyes flirtatiously.

"Don't listen to her!" said Lavender Brown, who quickly slide in on Hermione's other side. "Lavender Brown. I just came came out of a bad relationship, which means," she smiled seductively, "I'm on the _rebound_."

Ron was watching them with a shocked expression. "Umm, Hi, I'm Tina Loreen. I think we are going to share a room!" he tried to distract them.

"Yeah, whatever," said Parvati. "So you are Josh, right?" she said to Hermione, who seemed pretty shocked herself.

"Err, yes," she said. "Mm, gotta go. To the, umm, bathroom."

"Yeah, I'll go too," said Ron, and they both stood up and walked out of the room as fast as they could.

"So. Do you think he is dating _her_?" asked Lavender. "What a shame. That guy is hot, and I could really go for some."

"I know, right?" agreed Parvati. "Hey, you know what we should do? Make this girl's life hell. If she's really our new roommate, it should be easy. Maybe she'll get the hint and back off."

"Totally," said Lavender, "I doubt if she'll last a month."

* * *

"Okay," said Ron once they were in the safety of the now empty entrance hall, "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" asked Hermione, who was looking at one the mirrors on the great walls.

"Get them to like you. I wish girls would hurl themselves at me like that too."

"I don't know." she shrugged her shoulders. "Guess I'm just attractive. Hey I wanted to ask you: do you know if there is any way to get them off me?"

"How should I know?" muttered Ron, checking his long blonde hair in the mirror.

"Well, how did you get them to get away from you?" asked Hermione, chuckling.

"Ha ha ha." replied Ron. "Anyway, I don't think they like me very much."

"No duh. They hate your guts."

Ron looked up to Hermione, who was, for once, taller then him. "Really? How do you know?"

"Trust me. I'm a girl." she looked at Ron. "You make an adorable girl, by the way."

"You make an adorable girl, by the way." imitated Ron, mocking her.

* * *

Classes all day were a breeze. Ron and Hermione had to be introduced to all of the teachers, and over all, didn't do a lot of work. Later in the common room, Hermione was working on her homework while Ron was trying to figure out where girls pee from, using diagrams of the female body he took from the library. He was just sitting there, looking in confusion at the book, when Harry walked over and set on a chair next to him.

"Hey," he said suddenly, and Ron closed the book so fast he dropped it.

"Hey," he answered, blushing. If Harry saw what he was looking at, he was dead.

"Harry Potter." he gave his hand out for Ron to shake it.

"Yeah, I kn – I mean, Harry Potter? OMG! Umm, I want to have your babies! Because I'm a teenage girl! And that's what they say... I think..."

Harry gave him a weird look, and said, "Err, you are Tina, right? Anyway, I think it's weird that you and that dude over there - " he gestured to Hermione, who seemed oblivious to all the girls staring at her " - suddenly joined Hogwarts, on the day my two best friends left it, for reasons they never told me about. There is something going on there. So, talk."

Ron sighed. "Alright, dude," he said, "but let's go over there." he dragged Harry over to a private spot in the full common room.

"It's me!" he said. Harry looked just as confused as before, if not more. Ron took out the little bottle full of Polyjuice potion, which he said was 'cough medicine' he had to take every hour.

"It's me, Ron. Josh is Hermione. It's a bet. Don't ask," he said to Harry's confused/disgusted look. "Just... Don't."

"So what you are saying is," said Harry after a general story was explained to him, "is that I'm gonna be sharing a room with a girl?"

"Umm... yeah?..."

"But... what about the burp competitions? Or giving girls scores on their looks? Or sharing your deepest darkest secrets with your roommates?" asked Harry in horror.

"Just act normal. No one should know we are here."

"I'll try," said Harry, and they walked back to their chairs, pretending that conversation never happened.

* * *

[AN: please review and stuff! it'll make me happy! and we all know how y'all want to do that :P Love, May.]


End file.
